I was feeling pretty glum this morning. Actually, most of the weekend – which carried over to this morning. Not that life is bad or even hard right now. It’s going pretty smoothly. Peaceful, even. And for me, that’s the problem. I don’t do smooth well. There’s something in me that wants struggle. Seems to prefer it. I have this deep-seated perceived need for just a bit of chaos, so life feels “normal”.

It’s this foreboding sense that something must be wrong if nothing is wrong.

I’m sure this developed in my formative years. Historically, the way I handle calm is to self-sabotage. Cause a little trouble – for me! Of course, while it may start with me, it never ends there. The ripple effect of what is a slight and seemingly necessary bit of disturbance in my life can turn into a tidal wave, drawing others into the wake, even pulling them under. While I think I’m fine surfing on top of the chaos, they’re gasping for air and begging for a life line! And honestly, I’m not fine either.

Lately, I have been choosing not to cause chaos in the quiet times. But that can be…uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do with myself! I still find myself looking for excitement, for some emotional “hit”. So, that brings me back to this morning. Feeling meh.

Then my daughter called, sounding a bit distressed. She and her hubby live a few states away from us. We talk often on the phone, so it’s not unusual for her to call at any hour of the day. But I knew something was wrong as soon as she said “hi daddy”. She needed me! I panic a little when I get that kind of call. I always want to help, but also know I can’t get to her very quickly. It can be a disconcerting and dysregulating sort of feeling.

This time, I could help! Their garage door wasn’t working properly. She is in college, was about to be late for her first class of the day, and they had a quiz scheduled for today. I was able to walk her through how to get the door back on track and working again. A few minutes later, the issue was resolved and she was on her way to class!

My daughter called me for help! And, though it was just over the phone, my help was enough. What’s more, now she feels more capable and more empowered, should the same issue happen again. And just like that, I’m not so “meh” any more.

Had she not sought my help, I would still be sitting here struggling. I’m glad she gave me the opportunity. Even if I hadn’t been able to help, just knowing she asked me was a boost to my emotional outlook. It caused a beneficial ripple effect.

What about you? What’s your disposition toward tranquility? Got any stories of feeling on edge and then having the opportunity to help someone? How did that affect you? And why is it so hard, sometimes, to just ask for help?