Daily writing prompt

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

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I walked through life for a solid 4 decades feeling pretty sure I was self-aware. In reality, I was disconnected, disregulated, dis-integrated, even dissociative at times.

Someone told me about the enneagram. I’m sure I rolled my eyes. Not another personality profile! They have never really helped me, and sometimes they’ve failed me. Okay, so this one is supposed to be different – different how??

But I didn’t want to seem ignorant or unaware – to be “not in the know”. So…I took the test. It wasn’t a great test, I didn’t really trust the results. I took another test. Still, the results were somewhat ambiguous. I could be this number, or maybe that number, or if not then look at this other number. What? It seemed pretty unreliable. But my curiosity was piqued. I wanted to figure it out!

I started listening to podcasts about it. I mean, maybe that would help me figure this thing out. The way Ian Morgan Cron talked about it really made a lot of sense. So I kept listening. He kept saying the best way to learn was to read – not just take tests. When reading, the one that makes me go “ugh” is probably me. So, I started reading. And, I kept listening. And something clicked! I saw it. My motivation, the place I feel stress in my body, even the emotion I struggle with the most. This was definitely me. Or rather, the framework I’d built around me – a poorly constructed treehouse I built as a child.

Deciding to look into the Enneagram, with curiosity and openness, paved the way for me to become self-aware enough to recognize I was tired of trying to live in that treehouse. It started me on a path toward understanding and accepting some hard truths about myself – the beginnings of dismantling my treehouse and constructing something new that fits me better.

I’m still learning and building. It’ll be a lifelong process – however long I get!