Author Archives: David

About David

I write on a couple of different blogs. One is more of a standard blog, the other is a collection of my inner thoughts - especially around addiction and recovery.

April’s fool

I’m no Bible scholar. I do read the Bible, and find it to be instructive in my daily life. Sometimes, I don’t like what it says, because I feel like a failure in comparison to what it teaches.

On this day, April 1 aka “April Fool’s Day”, the above passage came to mind.

The image is from a web resource called Blue Letter Bible. The passage is out of the book of Psalms, chapter 14 verse 1. Specifically, this is the old “King James Version”. I think it’s cool how there are only five Hebrew words, yet it takes eleven words to be spoken in old King’s English. Hebrew words are so rich with meaning!

What I find most interesting is the addition, in English, of the words “there is”. Notice how those two words are bracketed, with no Hebrew word beside them?

Again… I’m not a scholar, and I don’t actually read Hebrew. Hence, I like to use resources to help me understand more fully. But it seems to me that this passage could be translated as:

The fool says, in his heart, “No, God”.

Based on this (possible) translation, I’m certain I’ve been the fool more times than I care to consider. Sometimes with intent, sometimes inadvertently.

This makes me grateful for grace and mercy. And my thoughts are drawn to another passage, from one of the most pain-filled books of the Bible.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23

And now a song comes to mind, by BiFrost Arts, called Because of His Great Love.

The only reason I exist on this earth is God’s love. I don’t have a chance without it! I’ve been the fool many times, and it will only be by His grace that I am not April’s fool, too.

I’m Five

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

This question first made me think of an old, funny song by Danny Kaye, aptly titled I’m Five. It’s definitely worth a listen! The whole album is great, but it’s hard to find. My favorite song on the album is probably Don’t Tickle Me.

As for my answer to the daily prompt, I don’t recall thinking much about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t really think much about growing up. Each day had enough uncertainty, I just wanted to be safe. I don’t think children raised in unsafe, uncertain conditions really have the luxury to think very far ahead.

When I was around that age, I wore a plastic fireman’s hat around a lot. My grandparents gave it to me. So maybe I wanted to be a fireman? Or maybe I just saw firemen as rescuers and felt some sense of safety by wearing that hat? Or maybe I attached it to my grandparents, whom I did consider to be safe.

What I really wanted to be when I grew up was, in a word, safe. Or maybe, as Dr. Dan Siegel would say, I just wanted to be safe, seen, soothed and secure. When I was allowed to be with them, my grandparents represented all those things to me. For that, I’ll always be grateful!

no spring chicken

I am in some serious pain today. I hate it! I’m actually feeling a lot of anger about it! This isn’t supposed to happen to somone who takes care of his body, exercises routinely, and does all the things one is “supposed” to do in order to be healthy! Okay, most of the things. Well anyway, a lot of the things.

It seems I’ve tweaked my back or lower hips some kind of way. I’ve literally fallen over a couple of times when this sharp spasm has hit me. It’s debilitating and infuriating! It also hit me no less than a dozen times last night as I was trying to sleep. Any kind of movement could set me off! I felt sorry for my wife, because I know I startled her with my groans and cries! But she has been very kind to me anyway. I love that woman!

This isn’t stress or tension. I wear that higher – in my upper back or shoulders. And I don’t have anything to be stressed about right now. Something is out of whack! I think maybe it started a couple days ago during a routine run. I did something out of routine – deviating from my chosen path to chase down an errant soccer ball and kick it back to its child owner. After that, I turned to get back on route, and there was a sudden incline to the ground. My left foot landed on that inclined area in a most awkward way, and my back hurt for a moment. But then I continued on and didn’t think anything more about it. Yesterday went really well, too. My back felt a little sore, but not sore enough to keep me from riding my motorcycle, helping my wife move some heavy furniture at her office, and even go for a 20 mile bike ride last night. But then after I got home from the ride, things took a turn! By bedtime, I was in some pretty severe pain!

I went to a chiropractor this morning. Well, actually my aging dad, who is in poor health and doesn’t get around very well, drove me. I would usually prefer NOT to ride with him, but my pain was that bad! I didn’t trust myself to drive without possibly wrecking! I was super hopeful a quick adjustment would provide significant if not total relief. The chiropractor did a lot of work on me – some of which seemed to hurt me more in the moment. But what do I know? I’m not trained in such matters. I’m going back to the chiropractor this evening – per his recommendation. After that first session, I am less than hopeful about getting much relief – or at least, not quickly. It seems I may be in for a longer recovery journey than I would like.

Argh… as the saying goes, I guess “I ain’t no spring chicken”. Not any more! If this is just the beginning of what’s to come…I don’t even wanna think about it!

Dearest LinkedIn…

I’m done with your charming ways. You appeared to be different than the other socials. But you might be worse. Or at least, worse for me.

Toxic positivity.

Shiny Happy People, everywhere!

It doesn’t just happen in businesses or organizations. It has happened to you, too.

Everyone putting up their ‘best self’. So very put together, successful, knowledgeable, incredible.

I spent 5 minutes with you. It was my choice. I walked away feeling so…empty.

Less than.




I chose this life, dammit! And I’m beyond grateful for it! But you…you can make me question my very sanity in five minutes flat.

It’s not me, it’s you. You make me crazy.

I’m done.



mental healing

What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?

Secret skill? If I were to tell you, then it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?

But seriously, I think this would be an ability more than a skill, but it would be awesome to be able to heal people with a touch. Or maybe with breath, like John Coffey in The Green Mile.

Though, I would want to heal them of the hurt and trauma they’ve experienced so they can live healthier lives free from emotional pain. So much of our physical pain is linked to the emotional/spiritual suffering we’ve experienced!

Healing hurt and trauma is such an individual and internal process, though! Humans have an amazing ability to hide behind carefully crafted exterior façades. I imagine that means I would need to know people first, before I could effectively heal them. So really, I would possess two unique abilities in one.

And yes, I think I would want this skill (set) to be secret, or at least not widely known, because otherwise I would be overwhelmed by people expecting it of me, and I would prefer to share it as I choose. I would want to share it with those entrenched in their pain and shame – the physically and sexually abused, the addicted, those with disorders, people struggling with PTSD and chronic psychosis.

Maybe what I’m really saying is that I’d like to be an especially gifted and effective mental health counselor. I’m grateful for those who have devoted their lives to this area. Social workers, psychologists, therapists, mental health coaches, spiritual advisors, psychiatrists, and neuroscientists. They’re doing a good and greatly needed work!


What do you wish you could do more every day?

I’m pretty distractible. That might be an understatement. Okay, that is an understatement!

Last night, my wife and I went out for pizza, while we were waiting for our order, she was sharing with me about her day. In the middle her sharing some really interesting stuff, which I wanted to hear about, my brain exploded!

Maybe a minute or two later, she stopped talking, and I jumped in to tell her about my super huge, brain exploding epiphany!

Then I realized she didn’t stop talking because she was finished. She stopped talking because she knew I was no longer present!

My body was there, my eyes were even looking her direction. But Elvis had left the building!

She knows me, loves me. I admitted I’d left the conversation, and asked for a do-over. She then repeated what she’d already shared, and I was attentive and remained engaged in the conversation.

I want to remain present more! I want to remain checked in rather than checking out as I often do. Not just when talking with my wife, but with others as well! I care lot about connecting with people, and I know that’s going to be limited as long as I struggle with this issue of focus.


Daily writing prompt
What is one word that describes you?

I’ve thought of a lot of different words, but every time I come up with something, an instance when it was not true of me also came to mind. If the prompt had included “usually”, or “generally” this would be easy.

But, no.

I think I’ll just start writing stuff down until I can’t think of a case when the opposite isn’t also true.

I am:
– gregarious, but also quite melancholy
– honest, however also I lie
– curious, except when I’m just bored
– intense, but then I can be pretty relaxed at times
– kind, and also I’ve been cruel
– grateful, yet short-sighted
– giving, and selfish
– hopeful, yet also say I’m “realistic”
– unpredictable, though I have predictable patterns and things I say (just ask my kids)
– loving, however sometimes quite apathetic
– reliable, but not always
– humble, and pretty prideful too
– patient, though only in some circumstances
– impulsive, however I am learning to be more intentional
– encouraging, yet critical
– unique, and also very much the same as many others

Every. Word. I come up with has an opposite that is also true!

And now, just now, a word hit me that actually fits for me in a universal sense. Paradoxical. Or maybe…contradictory? Or, maybe just ordinary…nah, can’t be that! I think I’ll stick with paradoxical.

Okay, now please assuage my frail ego and tell me I’m not the only one who found it arduous to come up with just one word that is an accurate description for myself?

you sound black

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

I don’t have a “best” compliment that comes to mind, but the prompt did bring to mind what might be the the worst “well meaning” compliment someone ever gave me. So I’ll go with that.

“You sound black when you sing”.

To be clear, I’m a fair Anglo Saxon. I can get a halfway decent tan if I really work at it, but I can also burn quite easily. I’m white.

I’ve done a fair amount of cultural study and will not pretend I know what it’s like to be a black man. I’ve never been followed by a police officer without cause, had the police called on me for merely waking into or being near a public facility, been treated unfairly and called racist profanities for simply existing, or a whole host of other things that have happened to my friends and people I love merely because they happen to have more melanin in their skin than me.

There was a time when my foster daughters and I were followed around a grocery store by “security personnel” for no apparent reason. I gave the stink eye to the person following us, and he slunk off. I’ve also yelled at a police officer, after he pulled me over for breaking the law, because I didn’t like the way he was talking to me. In fact, that’s happened twice – in my younger years. No way I would do that now! It is clear to me now that even being able to have the security guard stop following me with nothing but a harsh look, and certainly being able to yell at officers of the law and not escalate the situation or wind up dead is entirely my white privilege.

Back to the “compliment”. I must’ve stared at the guy who said it as though he had two heads. Could be really be so oblivious to his own racist mindset? He stammered and doubled down…said something about having a lot of “soul” in my sound. He also mentioned something about my tattoos being cool. To which I replied:

Stop! Just stop.

Based on his mannerisms and body language (and giving me a big slap on the back), I had reason to believe he intended to be complimentary, but from the words he chose I received zero insight as to what he actually thought about how I sounded, while providing me a bay window-sized view into his way of thinking and categorizing people. I mean, he never said he actually liked my singing, or anything about the timbre of my voice, the way the lyrics moved him, or whether I even stayed on pitch.

This moment did provide me instruction to be considerate when endeavoring to encourage or compliment someone. Specifically, to stay away from social constructs – especially when those constructs have been used for the systematic mistreatment and harm of others.

What about you? Have you encountered a seemingly well-meaning person who was actually demonstrating their bias by their chosen (possibly thoughtless) words? How did you respond?