Describe a family member.

When I saw the word family, this Drew Holcomb song started playing in my mind. But, I think the song’s implied direction might be too narrow for me.

A family member is someone I do life with. I may live with them, but then again not always. We may share strands of DNA, or we may not. But there’s a bond – a reason I call someone part of my family. In a word: love. And in family, that love will be tested over time.

To be family with someone means I have an ongoing relationship with them, and I put in considerable effort to maintain that relationship. On second thought, though, no relationship can simply be maintained. So, the effort I give is with the desired goal of growing that relationship – not just maintaining it.

I must admit, however, I have some “family members” who are only family at all in the strictest sense of the word – related by marriage or DNA. That’s it. Not people with whom I am seeking ongoing relationship. Though I desire better relationship with them, I’ve made the decision to minimize our encounters and interactions . After all, it doesn’t take too many tries at hugging a cactus to persuade a person there are better pursuits!

No doubt, I’ve been a cactus too along the way, and people who would’ve considered me “family” or “like family” have given up on me. That’s a sad thought and reality.

To be a “family member”, there needs to be some effort at connection, but also at selflessness. Some cooperation and collaboration. A healthy dose of compassion certainly doesn’t hurt, either. But, in reality, it’s complicated.

How do you describe family?